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1. Viruses are free.

2. Viruses don't take up most of your hard drive.

3. Viruses don't need 80 megs of RAM.

4. Viruses don't have major bugs.

5. Viruses don't have three different sets of documentation.

6. Viruses don't leak info to the press about the upcoming Jerusalem 95, to keep people from switching to Michelangelo/2 Warp.

7. Viruses aren't on every computer.

8. Nobody cares if a virus turns out to be 16 bit, even though it is advertised as 32...

9. Viruses install themselves !

Motive pt care Windows-ul nu este un virus

1.      Virusii sunt liberi

2.      Virusii nu iti ocupa majoritatea hardului.

3.      Virusii nu necesita 80 mega din Rami

4.      Virusii nu dau erori mari.

5.      Virusii nu au 3 seturi diferite de documentatie.

6.      Virusii nu dau ponturi presei legat de urmatoarele programe: Ierusalim 95, pt ca oamenii sa nu schimbe pe Michelangelo/2 Warp

7.      Virusii nu se gasesc in fiecare computer

8.      Nimanui nu-i pasa daca un virus are 16 bits, desi i s-a facut reclama de 32..

9.      Virusii se instaleaza singuri

O singura greseala si trebuie sa o suporti tot restul vietii.

5 reasons to believe computers are male:

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. A better model is right around the corner.
3. They look attractive - until you take them home.
4. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.
5. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

5 reasons to believe computers are female:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. Even the smallest mistakes are committed to memory.
3. The native language used to communicate with others of their kind is incomprehensible to anyone else.
4. The message "bad command or file name" is about as informative as "If you don't know what's wrong, then I'm not going to tell you."
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

5 motive pt care calculatorul este de genul masculin

1. Au multe date dar totusi sunt in ceata

2. Un model mai bun asteapta dupa colt

3. Arata bine - asta pana ce le duci acasa

4. Supratensiunile ii lasa knock-out pt intreaga noapte

5. Ca sa le pornesti trebuie sa le bagi in priza.

5 motive pt care calculatorul este de genul feminin

1.      Nimeni cu exceptia producatorului lor, le intelege logica interna

2.      Chiar si cele mai mici greseli sunt memorate

3.      Limba natala folosita pt comunicarea cu semenele lor, este de neinteles pt oricine altcineva.

4.      Mesajul „Comanda eronata sau nume eronat” este la fel de informativ ca si: „Daca nu stii care-i problema, atunci nici nu am sa ti-o spun”

5.      Imediat ce te-ai legat de una, te trezesti ca iti cheltui jumatate din salar pe accesoriile ei.

Program Development Cycle

1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren't really bugs.
4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers 15 new bugs.

5. See 3.
6. See 4.
7. See 5.
8. See 6.
9. See 7.
10. See 8.
 

11. Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on an overly optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.

12. Users find 137 new bugs.

13. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.

14. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.

15. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits.

16. Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.

17. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer to redo program from scratch.
 

18. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

Ciclul producerii unui program:

1. Programatorul produce codecuri care le considera a fi fara bug-uri

2. Produsul este testat: sunt gasite 20 de bug-uri

3. Programatorul rezolva 10 din cele 20 de bug-uri, si explica departamentului de testare ca  restul de 10 nu sunt intradevar bug-uri

4. Departamentul de testare descopera ca cele 5 dintre bug-urile rezolvate de catre porgramator nu merg, si descopera astfel 15 bug-uri.

5. Vezi 3

6. Vezi 4

7. Vezi 5

8. Vezi 6

9. Vezi 7

10. Vezi 8

11. Datorita presiunilor de marketing si un anunt al produsului facut extrem de prematur bazat pe un program de programare foarte optimist, produsul este eliberat.

12. Utilizatorii gasesc inca 137 de bug-uri.

13. Programatorul initial, dupa ce si-a incasat cecul foarte generos, nu este nicaieri de gasit.

14. Noua echipa de programare formata, rezolva aproape toate cele 137 de bug-uri, dar introduce inca 456 de bug-uri noi.

15. Programatorul initial, trimite departamentului de testare, platiti mizerabil, o vedere din Fiji. Intregul departament de testare demisioneaza.

16. Compania este cumparata printr-o preluare ostila de competitor, folosind profiturile de la ultima versiune a acestora, care a avut 783 bug-uri.

17. Noul director este numit prin consiliul de administratie. El angajeaza un programator sa refaca programul de la zero.

18. Programatorul produce un cod despre care are convingerea ca este fara bug-uri.

It says: "Directory does not exist...." It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

Calculatorul spune: Directorul nu exista....”insemnand” ....de acum inainte. Ups!!....

It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close." It means: "....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."

Spune: Aplicatia  a cauzat o eroare. Alegeti ignorare sau inchidere. Ceea ce inseamna: .....Pentru mine nu conteaza ce alegi...nu-ti recuperezi inapoi munca.....