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On an American Airlines
packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open
packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly
Delta?)
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Pe un pachet de nuci,
intr-un avion de la compania American
Airlines - Instrucţiuni: deschideti
pachetul, mancati nucile. (Pasul 3: Poate,
uh ... zburati cu Delta?)
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The Toronto Board of Health
has proposed that warning signs be placed on
all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers
about the possible peril of drinking a pint
or two of any alcoholic beverage.
1. WARNING: Consumption of
alcohol may cause you to wake up with a
breath that could knock a buzzard off a
wreaking dead animal that is one hundred
yards away.
2. WARNING: Consumption of
alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
idiot.
3. WARNING: Consumption of
alcohol may cause you to tell the same
boring story over and over again until your
friends want to assault you
4. . WARNING: Consumption of
alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what
you really think of him.
5. WARNING: Consumption of
alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burn on the forehead.
6. WARNING: Consumption of
alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, handsomer and smarter than some
really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
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Consiliul Sănătăţii din
Toronto a propus ca semnele de avertizare sa
fie puse pe toate sticlele cu alcool, pt a
atrage atentia bautorilor asupra riscurilor
de a bea o halbă sau două din orice băutură
alcoolică.
1. AVERTISMENT: Consumul de
alcool poate face sa vă treziţi cu o
respiraţie urat mirositoare, care ar putea
lovi un vultur de pe un animal mort, aflat
in descompunere, la o sută de metri
distanţă.
2. AVERTISMENT: Consumul de
alcool te poate face sa dansezi ca un idiot.
3. AVERTISMENT: Consumul de
alcool te poate face sa spui aceeaşi poveste
plictisitoare, inca si inca o data, pana
cand prietenii tai vor vrea sa te asalteze.
4. AVERTISMENT: Consumul de
alcool te poate face sa-i spui sefului ceea
ce crezi cu adevarat despre el
5. AVERTISMENT: Consumul de
alcool este principala cauza a unei
inexplicabile arsuri pe frunte.
6. AVERTISMENT: Consumul de
alcool iti poate crea iluzia ca esti mai
puternic, mai frumos si mai destept decat un
tip foarte, foarte mare, pe nume Psiho Bob.
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Funny Newspaper Bloopers
Here are a few genuine news
bloopers gleaned from American newspapers.
These were taken from an article by Richard
Lederer, author of "Anguished English".
On behalf of Barbara
Rutledge and her family, our sincere thanks
go out to those sending flowers, cards and
contributing to the death of her husband.
The airplane was only a few
feet from the ground when it crashed,
witnesses said.
With the exception of
victimless crimes (which need not concern us
here), every single crime committed in this
nation of ours involves a victim.
A purple lady's bicycle was
missing from Serendipity Lane recently.
Chairman Billings asked
Board members to muster support from
parent-teacher groups to support the
governor's task force on driving while
intoxicated.
He hasn't even had his day
in court yet, but Simon Wynne has been
kicked off the ESU basketball team after
being arrested and accused of driving a
parked car while intoxicated.
Montreal police don't
hesitate to use whatever laws, regulations
or persuasion they feel they need to control
morality in the city and prevent it from
getting a foothold.
A college friendship that
began a year ago ended in matrimony
yesterday.
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Greseli haioase din ziare
Aveti aici cateva greseli
originale, luate din ziarele ameicane, de la
sectiunea stirilor. Acestea au fost culese
dintr-un aricol de Richard Lederer, autorul
„Angliei chinuite”.
In numele Barbarei Rutledge
si a familiei ei, trimitem sincerele noastre
multumiri, tuturor acelora care ne-au trimis
flori, biletele, si au contribuit la moartea
sotului ei....
Avionul se afla doar la
cativa metri de pamant, cand s-a prabusit,
au spus martorii...
Cu exceptia infractiunilor
fara victime ( care nu ar trebui sa ne
ingrijoreze) fiecare infractiune comisa in
aceasta tara a noastra, implica o
victima....
O bicicleta a unei doamne
purpurii, a disparut recent de pe Aleea
Serendipity.
Presedintele Billings a
cerut membrilor consiliului de administraţie
sa obtina sprijin din partea grupurilor de
parinti-profesori pentru a sprijini unitatea
sa de comanda, pentru conducere in stare de
ebrietate....
Nici macar nu a fost inca in
instanta, dar Simon Wynne a fost dat afara
din echipa de baschet ESU după ce a fost
arestat si acuzat de conducere a unei masini
parcate, in timp ce era in stare de
ebrietate...
Poliţia din Montreal nu
ezita sa foloseasca orice lege, ordine sau
putere de convingere, de care simt ca au
nevoie, pentru a controla moralitatea in
oraş si de a preveni ca acesta sa obtina un
punct de sprijin...
O prietenie de colegiu care
a început acum un an s-a incheiat ieri
printr-o casatorie....
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