Engleza

Traducere

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into the village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he’ll have a little fun.Ventriloquist: “G’day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?”Villager: “The dog doesn’t talk, you stupid.”Ventriloquist: “Hello dog, how’s it going mate?”Dog: “Doin’ all right.”Villager: (look of extreme shock)Ventriloquist: “Is this villager your owner?” (pointing at the villager)Dog: “Yes”Ventriloquist: “How does he treat you?”Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”Villager: (look of utter disbelief)Ventriloquist: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”Villager: “Uh, the horse doesn’t talk either….I think.”Ventriloquist: “Hey horse, how’s it going?”Horse: “Cool”Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)Ventriloquist: “Is this your owner?” (pointing at the villager)Horse: “Yep”Ventriloquist: “How does he treat you?”Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me.”Villager: (total look of amazement)Ventriloquist: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”Villager: “The sheep’s a liar!”

Un ventriloc australian merge sa viziteze Noua Zeelanda, intra intr-un sat unde vede un satean care statea pe prispa si isi mangaia cainele. Se gandeste ventrilocul ca se va dista putin si spune: Buna ziua prietene! Ce caine frumos aveti, va suparati daca vorbesc cu el? Sateanul: Cainele nu vorbeste, prostule. Ventrilocul: Buna cutule, cum merge treaba? Cainele: Merge bine . Sateanul se uita cu uimire. Ventrilocul: Este acest satean stapanul tau?(aratand spre satean). Cainele: Da. Ventrilocul: Cum te trateaza? Cainele: Foarte bine. Ma plimba de 2 ori pe zi, ma hraneste cu mancare buna si ma duce la lac sa ma joc o data pe saptamana. Sateanul privea cu o uimire totala. Ventrilocul: Va suparati daca vorbesc cu calul d-vs? Sateanul: A...nici calul nu vorbeste...asa cred. Ventrilocul: Hei calutule, cum merge treaba?Calul: Super! Sateanul: (cu o privire si mai tampa). Ventrilocul: Este acesta stapanul tau?(aratand spre satean) . Calul: da. Ventrilocul : Cum te trateaza? Calul: destul de bine, merci de intrebare. Ma calareste regulat, ma perie des si ma tine in staul sa ma protejeze. Sateanul(cu o privire totala de uimire) Ventrilocul: Va suparati daca vorbesc cu oaia? Sateanul: Oaia e o mincinoasa!

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"
"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class.

Linia fierbinte spirituala  si Reteaua  spirituala a prietenilor, au lansat recent o linie fierbinte pentru broaste. Aici este povestea unei broaste si discutia cu mediumul sau. O broasca telefoneaza la Linia fierbinte spirituala si i se spune: Vei cunoaste o frumoasa tanara care va dori sa stie absolut tot despre tine:Broasca spune: Ce bine!!! O voi cunoaste la vreo petrecere, sau ....unde?. Nu, spune mediumul......semestrul viitor la ora ei de biologie.

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

Un barbat a mers in vizita la un prieten si a fost surprins sa-l gaseasca juncand sah cu cainele sau. A urmarit partida cu uimire: Abia imi vine a crede! Exclama el. Acesta este cel mai destept caine din cati am vazut in viata mea. „Nu,.... nu e asa de destept, spuse prietenul sau. L-am batut la 3 partide din 5.

Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.
The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"
The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"
Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."

Trei sobolani stau la bar si vorbesc, se lauda despre curajul si taria fiecaruia. Primul spune: Eu sunt asa de tare, odata am mancat un sac intreg de otrava pentru sobolani.! Al doilea spune: Ei bine..eu sunt asa de tare, odata am fost prins intr-o capcana de sobolani si am scapat dupa ce am rupt cu dintii capcana. Al treilea sobolan se ridica si spune: Pe mai tarziu baieti, plec acasa sa hartuiesc pisica!

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."
"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."
The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.
When he returns, he is covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"
The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"
"Yes," the other bat answers.
"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

Doi liliaci vampiri se trezesc la miezul noptii insetati de sange. Unul spuse: Hai sa zburam din pestera si sa gasim sange. Suntem noi aici, spuse al doilea. Este intuneric afara si nu stim unde sa cautam. Mai bine asteptam pana ceilalti lilieci merg cu noi. Primul liliac spuse: Cine are nevoie de ei? Pot sa gasesc sange undeva. Si zbura afara din pestera. Cand se intoarse, era plin de sange. Vazand asta, al doilea liliac ii spuse extaziat ; Unde ai gasit sange?? Primul liliac isi duce prietenul pana la iesirea din pestera, si aratand cu degetul ii spuse: Vezi cladirea aia neagra de acolo? DA, raspunde celalalt liliac. Ei bine,.....spuse primul liliac, eu nu am vazut-o!

Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!" Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.
As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!"
To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!!!"

D-na Peterson i-a telefonat mesterului sau deoarece masina de splat vase s-a stricat. Nu s-au putut intelege ca mesterul sa vina dupa programul ei de serviciu, asa ca i-a spus : Voi lasa cheia sub pres. Repara masina de spalat vase, lasa nota de plata pe tejghea si o sa-ti fac un cec. Apropo, am un Rotweiler mare pe nume killer (criminal), care nu te va deranja. Am de asemene un papagal, si orice faci, sa nu vorbesti cu el. Ei bine, cainele Killer l-a ignorat complet pe mester, dar tot timpul cat a fost acolo, papagalul a injurat, a strigat, a tipat aproape ca l-a innebunit. Cand era gata de plecare, nu s-a abtinut sa nu zica: Pasare tampita, de ce nu taci odata din gura?..La care pasarea i-a raspuns: Killer, prinde-l!!

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.
The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something."
The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

Un orb cu un caine ajutator langa el intra intr-o bacanie . Omul merge pana in mijlocul magazinului, ia cainele de coada si incepe sa-l invarta in cercuri mari, deasupra capului. Managerul magazinului, care vazuse toata scena, se gandeste ca e foarte bizar ce se intampla. Asa ca se decide sa vada ce se intampla. Se apropie de barbatul orb care invartea cainele si ii spuse : Ma scuzati, pot sa va ajut cu ceva? Barbatul orb raspunde : Nu multumesc, arunc doar o privire!

A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"
"Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?"
"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..."
"What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?"
"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"

Intr-o zi un barbat intra intr-un bar si intreaba: Rottweilerul de afara este al cuiva de aici? Da , raspunde un motociclist, ridicandu-se de pe scaun, Ce-i cu el? Pai...cred ca chihuahua meu l-a omorat..... . Cum adica? Ce vorbesti? Intreaba nedumerit motociclistul. Cum poate animalutul ala marunt sa-mi omoare rottweilerul? ...Pai....se pare ca s-a intepenit in gatlej rottweilerului, in timp ce-l inghitea.