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A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."

"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.

Cainele unui avocat, fugea prin oras dezlegat, intra intr-o macelarie si fura o friptura. Macelarul merse apoi la biroul avocatului si intreaba: Daca un caine dezlegat fuge si fura o bucata de carne de la mine din magazin, am dreptul sa cer banii pe ea de la stapanul cainelui? Avocatul raspunse: Cu siguranta.

Atunci imi datorezi 8.50 de dolari. Astazi, cainele dumitale s-a dezlegat si a furat o friptura de la mine.

Avocatul, fara a mai spune niciun cuvant, ii scrise macelarului un cec de 8.50 dolari. Macelarul satisfacut, pleaca.

Trei zile mai tarziu, macelarul gaseste o nota de plata de la avocat: 100 de dolari taxa pt consultatie.

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Doi avocati erau la vanatoare cand au dat de niste urme. Dupa o examinare facuta indeaproape, primul avocat spuse ca sunt urme de caprioara. Cel de-al doilea avocat, nefiind de acord, spuse ca trebuie sa fie urme de elan. Ei inca se mai certau , cand trenul i-a lovit!

What is the difference between a lawyer and a sperm?
At least a sperm has a one in one million chance of becoming a human being.

Care este diferenta dintre un avocat si un spermatozoid?

Macar spermatozoidul are o sansa la un milion, sa devina fiinta umana.

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.
Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.
The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out. The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."
He also grabbed a parachute and jumped. The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace." The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

Un doctor, un avocat, un baietel si un preot zburau cu un avion privat, intro duminica, dupa-masa. La un momendat, avionul se confrunta cu probleme la motor. In ciuda tuturor eforturilor depuse de pilot, avionul incepu sa piarda din altitudine. In cele din urma, pilotul lua o parasuta, le striga pasagerilor ca ar fi mai bine sa sara, si sari, lasandu-i balta. Din nefericire, mai ramasesera numai trei parasute. Doctorul lua una si spuse: Eu sunt doctor, salvez vieti, asa ca trebuie sa traiesc, si sari. Avocatul spuse apoi: Eu sunt avocat, si avocatii sunt cei mai destepti oameni de pe pamant. Merit sa traiesc. Asa ca lua o parasuta si sari. Preotul se uita la copil si ii spuse: Fiule, am trait o viata lunga si plina. Tu esti tanar si ai toata viata inainte. Ia ultima parasuta si traieste in pace. Baietelul ii dadu inapoi parasuta preotului si ii spuse: Nu te ingrijora, Parinte. „Cel mai destept om din lume „ tocmai a sarit cu rucsacul meu.

A lawyer died and was delivered into the devil's hands. "You will be spending eternity here, but I'll let you pick your own room from three I'll show you," the devil said. In the first room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a brick floor. "I don't like that," said the man. "Show me the second." In the second room were thousands of people standing on their heads on a wood floor. "Well, that's better than brick," the man said, "but show me the third."
In the third, thousands of people were standing ankle-deep in a room full of maggot infested garbage, all drinking coffee.
"I'll choose this room," he said. Into the room he went and the door slammed behind him. Immediately, the voice of a minor demon rang out, "OK, coffee break is over, back on your heads."

Un avocat a murit si a fost trimis in mainile diavolului. Iti vei petrece eternitatea aici, dar te voi lasa sa-ti alegi o camera din cele trei pe care ti le voi arata, spuse diavolul. In prima camera erau mii de oameni care stateau in capete, pe o podea de caramida. Nu-mi place aici, spuse barbatul. Aratami-o pe cea de-a doua . In camera cu nr. 2, erau mii de oameni care stateau in capete, pe o podea de lemn. Ei bine, e mai bine decat caramida, spuse omul, dar arata-mi-o pe cea de-a treia. In camera cu nr. 3, erau mii de oameni care stateau ingropati pana la  glezne intr-un gunoi infestat cu viermi, si toti beau cafea. Aleg camera asta, spuse el. Intra in camera, iar usa se tranti dupa el. Imediat, vocea unui demon mai mic se auzi:  Ok, pauza de cafea s-a terminat, inapoi in cap!

How can you tell when a lawyer is about to lie?
His lips start moving.

Cand stii ca un avocat urmeaza sa minta?

Buzele ii incep sa se miste.

A lawyer's car stalled on the side of the freeway. As he was getting out to see what was the matter, a reckless driver swerved taking off the whole car door and knocking the lawyer to the ground. A passing police car pulled over.
As the policeman got out he heard the lawyer shouting, 'my mercedes, my brand new mercedes!" As the policeman approached he was shocked to notice the lawyer's right arm missing.
''Do you realize your arm is gone?'' asked the policeman ?
The lawyer, stunned, began to scream: "My rolex, my brand new rolex !"

Masina unui avocat se opri pe marginea autostrazii. Iesi sa vada ce se intmplase, cand un sofer neglijent trecut in mare viteza, luandu-i portiera in intregime, si trantindu-l pe avocat la pamant. O masina de politie opri pe dreapta. Cand politistul cobora, il auzi pe avocat strigand: Mercedesul meu, nou-noutul meu Mercedes. Apropiindu-se, politistul observa cu stupoare ca bratul drept al avocatului lipsea.

Va dati seama ca va lipseste bratul? Intreba politistul

Avocatul uimit, incepu sa urle: Rolexul meu, nou-noutul meu Rolex !!