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An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull.” Buddy didn’t move.Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull.” Buddy didn’t respond.Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Jennie, pull.” Nothing.Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull.” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”

Un strain a intrat cu masina intr-un sant dintr-o zona parasita. Din fericire, un fermier din zona veni sa-l ajute pe strain, cu calul sau mare si puternic, pe nume Buddy. L-a repezit pe Buddy la masina si a strigat. Trage Nellie, trage. Buddy nu se misca. Apoi fermierul a urlat: Trage Buster, trage. Buddy niciun raspuns. Inca o data fermierul a dat comanda: Trage Jennie, trage. Nimic. Apoi fermierul, spuse cu nonsalanta, trage Buddy trage. Si calul trase incet masina din sant. Soferul a fost foarte apreciativ si foarte curios. A intrebat fermierul de ce si-a strigat calul cu nume diferite de 3 ori. Fermierul i-a raspuns: Oh, Buddy este orb, si daca ar fi stiut ca este singurul care trage, nici macar nu ar fi incercat!

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman  recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.“Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.”The farmer scratched his grizzled head. “Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.

Un fermier batran si nevasta-sa se sprijineau in carjele lor, cand batrana si-a amintit ca saptamana viitoare va fi nunta lor de aur. Hai sa dam o petrecere Homer, a sugerat ea. Hai sa taiem un purcel. Fermierul se scarpina in capul grizonat. Vai, Ethel, raspunse el intr-un final: Nu inteleg de ce sa dam vina pe purcel pt ceva ce s-a intamplat cu 50 de ani in urma!

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher’s bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, “You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”The old rancher replied, “Well, I’ll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning.”

Un avocat mare de la oras era reprezentantul celor de la caile ferate, intr-un proces intentat de catre un fermier batran. Taurul fermierului lipsea, locul sau fiind chiar in zona pe unde trecea calea ferata. Fermierul voia numai sa ii fie platita valoarea reala a taurului. Cazul fusese programat la proces, in camera din spate a magazinului general. Avocatul celor de la caile ferate l-a luat la oparte pe fermier, incercand sa se inteleaga cu el inafara salii de judecata. Avocatul a facut tot ce a stiut el mai bine, si in final fermierul a fost de acord sa primeasca jumatate din ceea ce a cerut. Dupa ce fermierul a semnat renuntarea la proces si a luat cecul, tanarul avocat nu mai putea de fericit ce era pt succesul sau, si i-a spus fermierului. Stii, nu-mi place sa-ti zic asta, batarnule, dar am trisat acolo.Nu as fi putut castiga. Inginerul a adormit si pompierul a fost in cambuza, cand trenul a trecut prin ferma ta in acea dimineata. Nu am avut niciun martor sa aduc in boxa. Am blafat! Batranul fermier i-a raspuns: Ei bine, sa-ti spun si eu ceva tinere, am evut ceva emotii in legatura cu castigarea procesului, deoarece taurul a venit acasa dimineata. 

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. But she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward her .At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head no, and mumble a reply.Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say, ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would then ask, ‘Can I borrow that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t. It’s all booked up for a year.

Soacra vine in vizita la un fermier si sotia sa, proaspat casatoriti. Ea ceru imediat sa faca o inspectie . Fermierul incerca sa fie prietenos cu noua lui soacra, sperand ca poate sa aiba o relatie prietenoasa si non-antagonica. Dar ea i-a batut la cap cu orice ocazie, le-a cerut sa faca niste schimbari, le-a oferit sfaturi pe care nu le-au cerut, intr-un cuvant le-a facut viata un calvar fermierului si sotiei sale. In timp ce erau in grajd, in timpul inspectiei impuse, catarul fermierului se ridica dintr-o data in sus si o lovi pe soacra la cap, omorand-o instantaneu. A fost un soc pentru toti, indiferent de sentimentele lor pt ea. La inmormantare, cateva zile mai tarziu, fermierul statea langa sicriu si ii saluta pe oameni in timp ce ei treceau. Pastorul a remarcat ca de fiecare data cand o femeie soptea ceva , el aproba, dand din cap si spunea ceva. De fiecare data cand un barbat trecea, si ii soptea ceva, el dadea din cap, in sens negativsi murmura un raspuns. Foarte curios de acest comportament bizar,  pastorul il intreba mai tarziu pe fermier despre ce a fost vorba. El raspunse: Femeile spuneau: Ce tragedie ! iar eu aprobam, dand din cap. Da, asa e! Barbatii ma intrebau: Putem imprumuta catarul? Iar eu dadeam din cap, spunand Nu. Nu pot, este rezervat deja pt tot anul.

Picture it: rural area, Sunday morning, church is packed and the devil decides to pay a visit. The doors burst open, and a black cloud rolls in with the devil in its midst. People jump out of the pews and run outdoors, screaming - all except for two. One is the Pastor, the other is an elderly farmer.Satan is a bit perplexed. He points to the Pastor and says, "You! I can understand why you didn't run away, you are in your Lord's house, you preach against me everyday and you aren't afraid of me. But YOU (points to the farmer), why didn't you run out scared like everyone else?"The farmer crosses one leg over the other and drawls, "Why, I'm surprised you don't recognize me...I've been married to your sister for 36 years!"

Inchipuiti-va : zona rurala, duminica dimineata, biserica este plina si diavolul se decide sa faca o vizita. Usile se deschid dintr-o data, un nor negru intra inauntru in mijlocul caruia se afla diavolul. Oamenii fug afara din strana, ies din biserica urland, toti cu exceptia a doi oameni. Unul este pastorul iar celalalt este un fermier batran. Satana este putin uimita. Arata spre pastor si zice: Tu! Inteleg de ce nu ai fugit, esti in casa Domnului, predici impotriva mea in fiecare zi si nu ti-e frica de mine. Dar Tu, si arata catre fermier, tu de ce nu ai fugit speriat ca si restul? Fermierul pune un picior peste celalalt, si spuse taraganat: Sunt surprins ca nu ma recunosti....sunt casatorit cu sora ta de 36 de ani !

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?""Fertilizer," the farmer replied."What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy."Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer."You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."

Un fermier conducea pe sosea si transporta o incarcatura de ingrasamant. Un baietel jucandu-se in fata casei, l-a vazut si l-a intrebat: Ce ai in camion? Ingrasamant, ii raspunse fermierul. Ce vei face cu el? Intreba baietelul. Il pun pe capsuni, ii raspunse fermierul. Ar trebui sa locuiesti aici, il sfatui baietelul. Noi punem zahar si frisca pe ale noastre.

Gary was traveling down a quiet country road when he noticed a large group of people standing around outside a house. He stopped and asked a farmer why such a large crowd was gathered. The farmer replied," Billy Bob's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died.""I see," Gary said. "Well, she must have had a lot of friends.""Naw," the farmer said, "we just all want to buy his mule."

Gary mergea pe un drum linistit de tara, cand zari o gramada de oameni in fata unei case. S-a oprit si l-a intrebat pe un fermier ce e cu multimea adunata. Fermierul ii raspunse: Catarul lui Billy Bob a lovit-o pe soacra-sa si a omoat-o. Inteleg, spuse Gary. Ei bine, inseamna ca a avut o multime de prieteni. Nuu, spuse fermierul, noi toti de aici vrem sa cumparam catarul!

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked. "I am." said the man. "I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said. "Here's your chicken." said the farmer.

Un fermier care dorea sa se pensioneze,se pregatea sa-si vanda pamantul si trebuia sa se descotoroseasca de animale. Asa ca a mers din usa in usa. In casele unde barbatul era capul familiei, el dadea un cal. In casele unde femeia era seful, el le dadea cate o gaina. Ajunse la capatul strazii cand zari un cuplu gradinarind. Cine este seful aici? Intreba el. Eu sunt, spuse barbatul. Am un cal negru si unul maro, spuse fermierul, pe care il doriti? Barbatul se gandi pret de un minut si spuse: cel negru. Nu, nu, nu ia-l pe cel maro, spuse sotia barbatului. Aici aveti gaina, spuse fermierul.