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A fellow comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Tom O'Brien in the games anymore.
The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?"
"Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife.
"Well," says the husband, "neither would Tom O'Brien.

Un tip vine acasa intr-o sambata dupa o partida obisnuita de golf si sotia sa il intreaba de ce nu va mai juca impreuna cu  Tom O'Brien. Sotul o intreaba: Ai dori sa joci cu un tip care triseaza in permanenta, injura ca un birjar, minte in legatura cu scorul, si nu are nimic bun de spus despre ceilalti concurenti? Sigur ca nu, raspunde sotia. Ei bine,....spune sotul, nici lui Tom O'Brien nu-i place.

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone.Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.They reached the ninth fairway, and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball, directly between his ball and the green.After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard and hit the ball right smack into the top of the tree trunk, where it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally been.The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall.

Un tanar pasionat de golf, avea cateva ore de omorat  intr-o dupa-amiaza. Se gandi ca daca se grabeste si joaca foarte repede, poate sa nimereasca 9 gauri, inainte sa plece acasa. In momentul  in care se pregatea sa-si gaseasca un reper pt minge, un batran getleman il intreba daca poate sa-l acompanieze, deoarece joaca golf singur.Neputand sa-l refuze, accepta sa joace cu batranelul. Spre surprinderea lui , batranelul era chiar foarte rapid. Nu trimitea mingea departe, dar tinea pasul si nu pierdea timpul. Au ajuns la a9-a gaura de pe terenul neted, cand tanarul s-a confruntat cu o lovitura grea.Un pin mare se afla in fata mingii sale, situat direct intre minge si teren. Dupa cateva minute in care au dezbatut cum sa loveasca mingea, batranelul spuse in cele din urma: Stii, cand am fost de varsta ta, loveam mingea chiar peste acel copac. Cu o asemenea provocare, tanarul isi lua avant si lovi mingea cu putere, lovi coroana copacului, si mingea se intoarse inapoi, aproape de locul unde era inainte sa fie lovita. Batranelul ii face tanarului inca un comentariu: Bineinteles, cand eram de varsta ta, acel pin nu avea nici macar 1 m inaltime.

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops , takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."The man then replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

Intr-o zi un barbat joaca golf cu prietenul sau, la clubul de golf local. Unul dintre ei este pe cale sa loveasca mingea, cand vede pe strada o inmormantare. Se opreste, isi da jos sapca, inchide ochii si se pune sa se roage. Prietenul sau ii spune: Wow, asta este lucrul cel mai dragut si emotionant pe care l-am vazut vreodata. Tu esti cu adevarat un om bun. Omul raspunde: Pai, da....am fost casatoriti 35 de ani..

Irishman trying to learn golf and having a terrible time of it. "I'd give just about anything to get this right!" he says aloud. Straight on the Devil appears and says "Anything?" "Well, short of selling my soul, yes." "How about giving up sex for the rest of your life?" "Done and done!" He finishes the game in rare good form and rumor of his deal spreads thru the clubhouse. One of the members, a reporter, sees a story here and asks him, "Sir, is it true you made a deal with the Devil to become a great golfer?" "True, enough." "And you gave up sex as your part of the bargain?" "True again!" "And may I have your name, sir?""Certainly. Father Mike O'Ryan."

Un irlandez incerca sa invete sa joace golf, si numai nu reusea. „ As da aproape orice sa invat! Spuse cu voce tare. Chiar in fata lui apare Diavolul care-i spune: Orice?  Pai, da....in afara sa-mi vand sufletul, da. Ce zici sa renunti la sex, pt tot restul vietii? Gata, s-a facut! Termina meciul intr-o forma buna si zvonul legat de aranjamentul sau, se imprastie in tot clubul. Unul dintre membrii, un reporter, vazand un posibil reportaj in aceasta poveste, il intreaba: D-le, este adevarat ca ati facut un pact cu diavolul, ca sa deveniti un mare golfer? Foarte adevarat. Si ca ati renuntat la sex, a fost parte din intelegere? Adevarat din nou. Si imi puteti spune numele d-vs va rog? Sigur. Parintele Mike O'Ryan.

Two lawyers, Jon and Chuck, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Chuck a bet. “Let's say we bet $50.”Chuck agrees and they're off.After the 8th hole, Chuck is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. “Help me find my ball. Look over there,” he said to Jon.After a few minutes, neither have any luck and a lost ball carries a four-point
penalty, Chuck pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. “I've found my
ball!!!” he announces.Jon looks at him. “After all of the years we've been partners and playing together, you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?”“What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!”“And you're a liar, too!” Jon said. “I’ll have you know I've been STANDING onyour ball for the last five minutes!”

Doi avocati, Jon si Chuck, merg sa joace, cele 9 gauri, din  partida lor obisnuita de golf. Jon ii spune lui Chuck sa faca un pariu. Sa spunem ca pariem 50 de dolari. Chuck este de acord. Dupa gaura a 8-a, Chuck este inainte cu o lovitura, dar isi pierde mingea pe terenul accidentat de la gaura 9. Ajuta-ma sa-mi gasesc mingea. Cauta acolo, ii spuse lui Jon. Dupa cateva minute, niciunul nu gaseste mingea, primind astfel o pedeapsa de 4 puncte. Chuck scoate o minge din buzunar si o arunca pe jos. Mi-am gasit mingea!! anunta el. Jon se uita la el. Dupa atatia ani de cand suntem parteneri si jucam impreuna, m-ai insela pt niste amarati de 50 de doalri?? Ce vrei sa spui, inselat?? Mi-am gasit mingea, chiar acolo! Si esti si un mincinos! Spuse Jon. Ca sa stii si tu, stau pe mingea ta de 5 minute!!

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!(silence)Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

Un preot, un doctor si un inginer, asteptau intr-o dimneata dupa un grup de jucatori foarte inceti. Inginerul: Ce-i cu tipii astia? Trebuie ca asteptam de 15 minute! Doctorul: nu stiu, dar nu am vazut niciodata asemenea incapacitate. Preotul: Hey, acum vine tipul care se ocupa de terenuri. Hai sa il  intrebam pe el. Preotul: Buna George. Ce-i cu grupul acela din fata noastra? Sunt cam inceti, nu-i asa? George: Oh, da! Aceia sunt un grup de pompieri orbi. Si-au pierdut vederea in timp ce incercau sa ne salveze clubul anul trecut. Asa ca ii lasam sa joace gratis oricand. (liniste). Preotul: Ce trist! Cred ca voi spune o rugacine speciala pt ei. Doctorul: Ce idee buna! Si am sa iau legatura cu oftalmologul meu, poate reuseste sa faca ceva pt ei. Inginerul: De ce acesti baieti, nu pot juca noaptea?

Near the end of a particularly trying round of golf, during which the golfer had hit numerous fat shots, he said in frustration to his caddy, "I'd move heaven and earth to break a hundred on this course.""Try heaven," said the caddy. "You've already moved most of the earth."

Aproape de sfarsitul unei anumite partide de golf, partida in care golferul a avut niste lovituri frumoase, golferul ii spune ajutorului sau: As muta raiul si pamantul sa dau o lovitura castigatoare. Incearca mai bine raiul, ca deja ai mutat majoritatea pamantului!!

Bob stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again. Finally his exasperated partner asked, "What the heck is taking so long?" "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse," Bob explained. "I want to make a perfect shot." "Good lord!" his companion exclaimed. "You don't have a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"

Bob statea pana sa loveasca mingea aproape o eternitate. Se misca, se uita sus, se uita jos, se misca inca o data . In cele din urma partenerul sau exasperat, il intreba: Ce dracu iti ia atat? Sotia mea este acolo sus, si se uita la mine din club. Explica Bob. Vreau sa am o lovitura perfecta. Dumnezeule Mare!! Exclama insotitorul sau. Nu ai nici macar una la o mie sanse sa o lovesti de aici !!!