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If you throw a violist and a soprano off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first?
Who cares?

Daca arunci un violonist si o soprana de pe o stanca, care va ajunge primul jos?

Cui ii pasa?

What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead trombonist in the road?
Skid marks in front of the snake.

Care-i diferenta dintre un sarpe si unul ce canta la trombon, ambii morti pe sosea?

Urme de frana in fata sarpelui.

Two drummers and a violinist decide to form a band. The three of them start playing, and the sound is just awful. One drummer turns to the other and says, "We sound terrible. I don't think this is going to work. Let's get rid of the violinist."

Doi tobosari si un violonist se decid sa formeze o trupa. Cei trei incep sa cante, iar sunetul este un dezastru. Unul dintre tobosari se intoarce catre celalalt si spune: Cantam teribil. Nu cred ca o sa mearga. Hai sa renuntam la violonist.

What's the difference between an extra-large pizza and a composer?

The extra-large pizza can feed a family of four.

Care-i diferenta intre o pizza foarte mare si un compozitor?

Pizza foarte mare poate hrani o familie de patru persoane.

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing.

Cand Beethoven a murit, el a fost ingropat in cimitirul din curtea unei biserici. Peste doua zile de la inmormantare, betivul orasului se plimba prin cimitir si auzi niste zgomote ciudate venind din zona in care Beethoven fusese ingropat. Terifiat, betivanul fugi si il chema pe preot sa auda si el zgomotele ciudate. Preotul se apleca peste mormant si auzi o muzica lesinata, de nerecunoscut, ce venea din mormant.Speriat, preotul alerga si il chema pe judecator. Cand acesta sosi, isi lipi urechea de mormant si asculta pt o vreme, dupa care spuse: Ah, da, acesta-i Beethoven, simfonia a 9-a, cantata invers. Mai asculta putin si spuse: Asta-i Simfonia a 8-a, la fel, cantata invers. Foarte incurcat, magistratul continua sa asculte. Asta-i a -7a, a 6-a, a  5-a. Dintr-o data , magistratul se lumina in legatura cu ce se intampla acolo: Dragii mei cetateni, nu trebuie sa ne alarmam. Este doar Beethoven care se des compune.

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know." A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!" The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative. Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!" The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?" "I'm a musician." The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!

Un tip intra in cabinetul doctorului si spune: Doctore, nu am facut treaba mare de o saptamana! Doctorul ii prescrie un laxativ normal si ii spune: Daca nu te ajuta, anunta-ma. Peste o saptamana tipul se intoarce: Doctore, inca nimic.Doctorul spune: Hmm, cred ca ai nevoe de ceva mai puternic, si ii prescrie un laxativ mai puternic. Peste inca o saptamana bietul tip se intoarce inapoi : Doctore, TOT NIMIC. Doctorul impacientat spuse: Trebuie sa-mi dai mai multe informatii despre tine, ca sa vedem ce se intampla. Cu ce-ti castigi existenta? Sunt muzician. Doctorul se uita la el si ii spune: Ei bine, asta este!Uite 10 dolari. Du-te mananca si tu ceva!