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Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties. The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvaniand bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from West Virginia. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and cooking. He told them that the first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes was done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. The third man had married a Texas girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry washed. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he didn’t see anything and the second day he didn’t see anything but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye! Got to love Texas Women!

Trei barbati stateau si se laudau cum si-au instruit fiecare nevastele sa faca treaba in casa. Primul barbat s-a insurat cu o femeie din Pennsylvania, care se lauda ca i-a spus neveste-sii ca ea va trebui sa spele toate vasele si sa faca curat in toata casa. A mai spus ca i-au trebuit vreo doua zile, dar in cea de-a treia zi, gasi casa curata si toate vasele spalate si puse la loc. Al doilea barbat se casatori cu o femei din Vestul Virginiei. El se lauda ca ii dadu ordine nevestei sale, ca ea se va ocupa de  toata curatenia, spalatul vaselor si cu gatitul la ei in casa. Le mai spuse ca in prima zi nu vazu niciun rezultat, dar ca in ziua urmatoare a fost mai ok. In cea de-a treia zi, casa era curata, vasele spalate, si cina il astepta pe masa. Cel de-al treilea barbat se casatori cu o fata din Texas. El se lauda ca ii spuse femeii ca ea se va ocupa de curatenie, vase, gatit, si spalatul hainelor. Si ca astea era toate responsabilitatile sale. El mai spuse ca in prima zi nu vazuse nimic, a doua zi nimic, dar a treia zi, umflatura se mai retrase asa ca reusi sa vada putin cu ochiul stang. Trebuie sa iubesti femeile din Texas!

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn’t stop sucking his thumb, he’d get fat.Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, “Ah, ha! I know what you’ve been doing!”

Era odata un baietel care avea obiceiul prost de a-si suge degetul mare. Mama lui ii spuse in cele din urma, ca daca nu va inceta sa-si suga degetul, se va ingrasa. Peste doua saptamani , mama lui isi chema prietenele sa joace bridge. Baietelul arata cu degetul catre o femeie vizibil insarcinata si spune: Ah, ha! Stiu ce ai facut!

Things Mom Would Never Say

1. "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"

2. "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"

3. "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"

4. "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"

5. "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"

6. "Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."

7. "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"

8. "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"

Lucruri pe care o mama nu le spune niciodata:

1.      Cum naiba poti vedea la Tv asa de departe?

2.      Da, obisnuiam sa chiulesc mult de la scoala.

3.      Lasa becurile aprinse...face casa sa arate mai vesela

4.      Lasa-ma sa-ti miros camasa-Da, o mai poti purta inca o saptamana.

5.      Poti sa pastrezi acel caine ratacit draga. As fi bucuroasa sa-l hranesc si sa-l plimb in fiecare zi.

6.      Ei bine, daca mama lui Timmy spune ca-i ok, mie imi este de-ajuns.

7.      Nu am o batista la mine...foloseste-ti maneca.

8.   Nu lua nicio jacheta pe tine - vantul este pe cale se se opreasca

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink. The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me.

Un sot si o sotie , erau pentru prima data in vizita la doctor, sotia fiind insarcinata cu primul lor copil. Dupa control, doctorul lua o stampila si o stampila pe stomac pe sotie, cu o cerneala care nu se poate sterge. Cuplul era curios ce insemna acea stampila, asa ca dupa ce au ajuns acasa, sotul isi lua lupa sa vada stampila. In litere foarte marunte, stampila zicea: Cand poti citi asta, sa vii sa ma vezi.

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.
The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this:
"Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'"
One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???"

Cand cel de-al doilea copil al nostru urma sa se nasca, eu si sotia mea am fost la niste cursuri pre-natale, care se adresau cuplurilor care aveau cel putin un copil acasa.  Instructorul ne vorbi de problema anuntarii copilului mai mare despre venirea pe lume a celuilalt copil. A decurs cam asa: Unii parinti, spuse ea, spun celuilalt copil: Te iubim enorm si ne-am hotarat sa mai aducem pe lume inca un copil. Dar ganditi-va la asta: Doamnelor, ce-ar fi ca sotul d-vs sa vina intr-o zi acasa si sa spuna: Draga, te iubesc enorm, asa ca am decis sa mai aduc acasa inca o nevasta. La care una dintre femeile de acolo spuse: Stie sa gateasca??