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A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, may I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Really? Ain't that something? And I'll bet the lying sucker told you I was speeding, too ...

Un ofiter de politie opreste pe dreapta un sofer  pt depasirea vitezei legale si discuta cu el:

Ofiterul de politie: Imi aratati permisul d-vs?

Soferul: Nu am asa ceva. Imi este suspendat de cand am fost amendat a 5-a oara pt conducere sub influenta (bautura/droguri /substante...etc)

Ofiterul de politie: Imi aratati talonul si actele masinii?

Soferul: Nu este masina mea. Am furat-o

Ofiterul de politie : Masina e furata?

Soferul: Exact. Dar daca ma gandesc bine, cred ca am vazut talonul si actele masinii in torpedou, unde mi-am pus arma.

Ofiterul de politie : Aveti o arma in torpedou?

Soferul:  Da d-le. Acolo am pus-o dupa ce am omorat-o pe proprietara masinii si am indesat-o in portbagaj.

Ofiterul de politie : Este un cadavru in portbagaj????

Soferul: Da d-le.

Auzind asta, ofiterul de politie, si-a sunat imediat capitanul. Masina a fost imediat inconjurata de politie si capitanul s-a apropiat de soferul in cauza, pt a clarifica situatia tensionata.

Capitanul : D-le, imi aratati permisul , va rog?

Soferul: Sigur, poftiti, este valid.

Capitanul : A cui este masina?

Soferul: A mea, d-le politist. Poftiti actele masinii.

Masina apartinea soferului

Capitanul : Puteti sa deschideti incet torpedoul ca sa vad daca este o arma in el?

Soferul: Da d-le, dar nu este nicio arma.

Bineinteles ca nu se afla nicio arma in torpedou.

Capitanul: Va deranjeaza daca va rog sa deschideti si portbagajul? Mi s-a spus ca ati declarat ca aveti un cadavru acolo.

Soferul: Nicio problema, e deschis, niciun cadavru.

Capitanul : Nu inteleg. Politistul care v-a oprit, a spus ca ati declarat ca nu aveti permis, ca ati furat masina, ca aveti o arma in torpedou si ca aveti un cadavru in portbagaj.

Soferul : Serios?!?! Mai sa fie!! Si pun pariu ca nenorocitul v-a spus si ca am depasit viteza legala!!!

 Stop Sign  

A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver's window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over.

"No," the man replied.

"You failed to stop at the stop sign," the cop explained.

"But I did slow down!" the guy argued.

The cop shook his head. "You are required to stop. That's why they're called stop signs."

The man started to get belligerent. "Stop, slow down -- what's the difference?"

The cop pulled out his baton. "I can show you. I'm going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down."

Indicatorul STOP

Un politist opreste o masina, merge la geamul soferului si il intreaba daca stie de ce l-a oprit

Nu - a spus soferul

Ati omis sa va opriti la indicatorul STOP, i-a explicat politistul.

Dar am incetinit, a argumentat soferul.

Politistul a dat din cap si i-a spus ca la indicatorul STOP esti obligat sa opresti, de aceea se numete STOP.

Soferul a inceput sa fie beligerant si spuse : Oprire, incetinire,...care-i diferenta?

Politistul si-a scos bastonul, si i-a raspuns: Pot sa va arat diferenta. Am sa incep sa va lovesc cu bastonul.....si va las pe d-vs sa-mi spuneti daca doriti sa INCETINESC sau sa ma OPRESC!!

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were promptly stopped by

a policeman who said, “What do you think you are doing? What if you have an accident?”

The priests say, “Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us.”

The policeman says, “In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to

ride on a motorcycle.”

Doi preoti conduceau cu viteza mare o motocicleta. Sunt opriti imediat de un politist care le spune: Ce credeti ca faceti? Daca aveti un accident?

„Fiti fara grija”, spune unul din preoti.....”Iisus este cu noi”

La care politistul raspunde : „in acest caz, trebuie sa va amendez. Trei persoane nu este admis sa mearga pe o motocicleta!!

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."

Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."

So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired."

And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.

Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."

Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!"

The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?"

Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."

John si Jessica se intorceau cu masina intr-o noapte de la bar, cand un politist ii opreste. Politistul ii spune lui John ca l-a oprit deoarece un bec din spate nu ii ardea. John ii spune  : „Imi pare foarte rau, nu mi-am dat seama ca s-a ars. Am sa-l schimb imediat.

Chiar atunci ‚Jessica a adaugat : „ am stiut ca asta se va intampla, cand ti-am zis acum 2 zile sa-l repari”!!!

Astfel ca politistul i-a cerut lui John permisul si dupa ce l-a verificat i-a spus „ D-le, permisul va este expirat”

Si din nou John isi cere scuze, spunand ca nu si-a dat seama ca i-a expirat permisul si ca va rezolva problema la prima ora a diminetii.

Jessica adauga din nou: „ Ti-am zis acum o saptamana ca ai primit o scrisoare de la oficialitati in care ti se spune ca permisul iti este expirat”

In acest moment, John este putin suparat pe nevasta-sa deoarece il contrazice in fata politistului, si ii spune cu o oarecare ridicare de voce : „Jessica taci din gura”!

Politistul auzind injuraturile, se apleaca spre Jessica si o intreaba : „ Sotul d-vs asa vb cu d-vs tot timpul? „

La care ea raspunde: „Numai cand este beat”

The Pope was getting into his limo one night when he turned to the limo driver and said, “Before I die, I would love to drive this beautiful limo just once.”

“Well, here,” the limo driver says, “Take the wheel, Your Holiness!”

Further down the road, the limo is stopped by a policeman who looks in the window, goes back to his squad car, calls dispatch and says, “I just pulled over someone real important and I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, who is it?” his dispatcher says, “The mayor? The governor? The president?”

“I don’t know,” the officer responds, “but the Pope’s his chauffer!”

Papa intra in limuzina sa intr-o noapte si ii spune soferului : „ Inainte sa mor, mi-as dori sa conduc aceasta minunata limuzina, macar o data”

„ Pai bine,..poftiti! Treceti la volan, Sfintenia d-voastra!

Mai jos pe drum, limuzina este oprita de un politist care se uita pe geam, se intoarce la masina sa foarte nedumerit, suna la dispecerat si spune : „ Tocmai am oprit pe cineva foarte important si nu stiu ce sa fac!!

„ Pai..cine este?? Spune dispecera....”Primarul? Guvernatorul? Preedintele?

„Nu stiu, raspune politistul,....dar PAPA ii este sofer!!!!”