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Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."The third Catholic woman says, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well.....?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God...'.

Patru femei catolice beau o cafea impreuna. Prima dintre ele le spune prietenelor: Fiul meu este preot. Cand intra intr-o incapere, toata lumea ii spune „Parinte’. A-2a femeie catolica ciripeste: fiul meu este episcop. Tot timpul cand intra undeva, oamenii ii spun „maretia ta”. Cea de-a treia femeie catolica spune : fiul meu este Cardinal. De fiecare data cand intra undeva, lumea ii spune „eminenta ta”. Cea de-a patra femeie catolica, isi soarbe cafeaua in liniste. Celelalte trei femei ii arata un subtil: Ei bine.....?

Ea raspunde: Fiul meu este un stripper superb, cu un corp bine lucrat. Cand intra intr-o incapere, lumea exclama: Dumnezeule!!!

A preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life and practice his hobby of yard work. Needing a lawn mower, he headed into town to buy one. On the way he saw a sign advertising a lawn mower for sale. He stopped at the house and a young lad came out to greet him. The preacher asked about the lawn mower and the kid said it was behind the house. The two went to look at the lawn mower. The engine was sputtering along at idle speed. The preacher increased the speed of the engine and mowed a few strips. Satisfied that the mower would do the job they settled on a price of $25.00.
Later in the day, the young lad was riding his bicycle when he spied the preacher pulling on the engine starter rope. The kid stopped and watched for a couple of minutes. He asked, "What's wrong?"
The reply came, "I can't get this mower started. Do you know how?" The kid said, "Yep.""Well, how do you do it? Tell me!", the preacher yelled.The kid replied, "You have to cuss it." The preacher rose up indignantly. "Now you listen here. I am a preacher and if I ever did cuss, not saying I have, I've forgotten how to do it after all these years." With a wise look on his face well beyond his years, the kid said, "Preacher, you keep on pulling that rope and it'll all come back to ya."

Un preot se pensiona si se muta la tara, sa se bucure de viata si sa-si practice hobby-ul de a lucra pe langa casa. Avand nevoie de o masina de tuns iarba, merse in oras sa cumpere una. In drum, vazu o reclama la masinile de tuns iarba. Se opri si un flacau veni sa-l salute. Preotul intreba de masina de tuns iarba, iar flacaul ii spuse ca se afla in spatele casei. Mersera sa se uita la ea. Masina mergea cu o viteza foarte lenesa. Preotul mari viteza masinii si taie cateva smocuri de iarba. Fericit ca masina de tuns ii este pe plac, s-au inteles la pretul de 25 de dolari. Mai tarziu in acea zi, flacaul se plimba cu bicicleta, cand il zari pe preot, tragand la sfoara ca sa porneasca masina de tuns. Flacaul se opri si privi cateva minute. Intreba : Care-i problema? Preotul raspunse: Nu reusesc sa pornesc masina de tuns. Stii tu cum se face? Baiatul spuse ca da. Ei bine, cum se face? Spune-mi! Striga preotul. Baiatul raspunse: Trebuie sa o injuri. Preotul spuse indignat: Asculta aici, sunt preot, si daca am injurat candva, nu zic ca am facut-o, am uitat cum se face, in toti acesti ani. Cu o privire inteleapta, mult peste varsta sa, baiatul spuse: Preotule, continua sa tragi de sfoara si o sa-ti aduci aminte!!

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?" he asked. "No, Father. Just a little gas," Sister Susan explained. A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?" he asked again. "Oh no, Father. Just a little gas," she replied again.
A couple of months later the priest noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent. He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said, "Cute little fart."

O maicuta se plimba prin manastire, cand unul dintre preoti remarca faptul ca incepuse sa se ingrase. Ne-am ingrasat putin, nu-i asa sora Susan? Intreba el. Nu, parinte, am doar gaze la stomac, raspunse ea. Dupa o luna si ceva mai tarziu, preotul remarca faptul ca sora se ingrasa si mai mult : Ne-am ingrasat putin, nu-i asa sora Susan? Intreba el din nou. Oh, nu parinte, am doar niste gaze la stomac, raspunse ea din nou. Dupa doua luni mai tarziu, preotul ramarca faptul ca sora impingea un carucior pe langa manastire. Se apleca spre carucior, se uita inauntru si spuse: Ce „vantulet” dragut!!

A woman in Brooklyn decided to prepare her Will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered all over Bloomingdales. "Why Bloomingdales?" asked the rabbi. "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.

O femeie din cartierul Brooklyn se decide sa-si faca testamentul si sa-si anunte ultimele dorinte. Ii spuse rabinului ca are 2 ultime dorinte. Prima dorinta era fatpul ca dorea sa fie incinerata, iar a doua dorinta, era ca cenusa ei sa fie imprastiata peste tot in magazinul Bloomingdale. De ce Bloomingdale? intreba rabinul. Deoarece astfel sunt sigura, ca fetele mele ma vor vizita de doua ori pe saptamana!

One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he said, "Excuse me God, can I ask you a few questions?" God replied, "Go on Adam but be quick. I have a world to create." So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did you make her body so curved and tender unlike mine?" "I did that, Adam, so that you could love her." "Oh, well then, why did you give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?" "I did that Adam so that you could love her." "Oh, well then, why did you make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?" "Well, Adam no. I did that so that she could love you."

Intr-o zi , la scurt timp dupa ce a muscat din mar, Adam statea in afara Edenului, si se intreba de barbati si femei. Uitandu-se la Ceruri spuse: Scuza-ma Doamne, pot sa te intreb cate ceva? D-zeu raspunse: Da-i drumul Adam, fii succint, am o lume de creat. Asa ca Adam spuse: Cand ai creat-o pe Eva, de ce i-ai facut corpul curbat si moale, diferit de al meu? Am facut asta, ca sa o iubesti. Ei bine atunci, de ce i-ai dat ei un par lung, stralucitor si frumos, si mie nu. Am facut asta, ca sa o iubesti. Ei bine, atunci de ce ai facut-o asa de proasta? Cu siguranta nu pt ca sa o iubesc eu. Ei bine Adam nu, am facut asta, ca ea sa te iubeasca pe tine!