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Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"

Doi barbati au mers sa vaneze ursi. In timp ce unul a ramas in coliba, celalalt a mers sa caute un urs. Gasi curand un urs imens, il impusca dar reusi doar sa-l raneasca. Ursul manios o lua la fuga spre vanator, acesta isi scapa carabina, si fugi spre coliba cu viteza luminii. Alerga destul de repede dar ursul se apropie de el cu fiecare pas pe care-l facea. Tocmai cand ajunse la usa colibei, vanatorul se impiedica si pica jos. Ursul, fiind foarte aproape de el, nu reusi sa se opreasca la timp, se impiedica de vanator si se rostogoli inauntru in coliba. Vanatorul sari in sus, inchise usa la coliba si ii striga prietenului sau dinauntru: Jupoaie-l tu pe asta cat timp eu mai aduc unul!

Mama and Papa Bear are accused of child abuse. Baby Bear is put on the stand to testify and is asked by the judge, "Do you want to live with Papa Bear?"
"No," Baby Bear replies, "he beats me."
Then the judge asks, "Do you want to live with Mama Bear?"
"No," Baby Bear replies, "she beats me too."
So the Judge says, "Who do you want to live with then?"
Baby Bear replies, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears, they don't beat anybody.

Tatal si mama urs sunt acuzati de abuzare de copii. Copilul ursulet, este adus in boxa martorilor sa depuna marturie si este intrebat de judecator: Vrei sa locuiesti cu tata urs?

Nu, raspunde ursuletul, ma bate

Apoi judecatorul il intreaba: Vrei sa locuiesti cu mama urs?

Nu, raspunse copilul urs, si ea ma bate.

Judecatorul spuse: unde vrei sa locuiesti atunci?

Copilul ursulet raspunde: Vreau sa locuiesc cu cei de la Chicago Bears (n.r. echipa de basket), ei nu bat pe nimeni!

Robert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hours late. His wife asks him, "What took you so long?"
The guy says, "That was the worst game of golf I've ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack."
The guy's wife says, "That's terrible!"
The guy says, "I know. Then, for the rest of the game, it was hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie. .

Robert joaca golf in fiecare sambata. Intr-una din sambete, ajunge acasa cu 3 ore intarziere. Nevasta-sa il intreaba: Ce a durat atat?

Barbatul raspunde: A fost cea mai nasoala partida de golf din viata mea. Am ajuns la primul reper, Charlie a lovit mingea, si imediat a facut un infarct, si cazu jos.

Sotia raspunse: Asta e teribil!

Barbatul spuse: Stiu, si restul meciului s-a derulat asa: loveste mingea, taraste-l pe Charlie, loveste mingea, taraste-l pe Charlie, loveste mingea, taraste-l pe Charlie.

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender said, "Sorry. No pets allowed."
The man replied, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see." The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game.
The guy said, "Watch. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips." The Jets keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.
"Wow! That's one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?"
The man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him for seven years!"

Un tip intra intr-un bar impreuna cu cainele sau. Barmanul spune: Imi pare rau, fara animale de companie! Barbatul raspunde: Acesta este un caine special. Da-i la meciul cu echipa Jets si vei vedea: Barmanul nerabdator sa vada ce se intampla, pune pe canalul cu meciul.

 Barbatul spune : Priveste! De cate ori marcheaza echipa Jets, cainele meu face tumbe. Echipa Jets marcheaza si cainele meu face tumbe si sare incontinuu.

Wow! Aveti un caine deosebit! Ce se intampla cand echipa Jets da un touchdown.

Barbatul raspunde: Nu stiu! Am cainele doar de sapte ani!

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go.
Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. About five seconds later, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens.
He tries again. Still nothing.
He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens. He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail.
Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going UP!
Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits -- yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?"
The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

Un barbat face skydiving pt prima data. Dupa ce-l asculta pe instructor, care vorbea parca de cateva zile incontinuu, este pregatit sa sara.

Fericit, sare din avion. Dupa vreo 5 secunde, trage de coarda. Nimic.

Incearca inca o data. Tot nimic

Incepe sa se panicheze, si isi aduce aminte de parasuta de rezerva. Trage coarda de acolo. Nu se intampla nimic. Incepe sa traga cu repeziciune ambele coarde, dar fara folos.

Dintr-odata se uita in jos si nu-i vine sa creada. Vede inca un barbat in aer cu el, dar acela mergea in sus!

In timp ce celalalt trece pe langa el, barbatul - speriat la maxim- striga: Hey, stii ceva legat de skydiving?

Celalalt barbat striga inapoi: Nu! Tu stii ceva legat de sobele de foc?

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a short nap. Although she isn't familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes the game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside her and says,"Good morning, Ma'am, what are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies, thinking isn't that obvious?
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you do have all the equipment."
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.

Un cuplu merge in vacanta la o statiune de pescuit in nordul Minnesotei. Sotului ii place sa pescuiasca in zorii zilei. Sotieti ii place sa citeasca. Intr-o dimineata sotul se intoarce dupa cateva ore de pescuit si se hotaraste sa traga un pui de somn. Desi nu este familiara cu lacul, sotia se hotaraste sa ia barca, intr-o plimbare. Merge putin , lasa ancora si-si contina cititul. Soseste si paznicul in barca sa. Opreste langa barca ei si spune: Buna dimineata d-na, ce faceti?

Citesc, raspunde ea, si se gandeste ca este destul de evident.

Sunteti intr-o zona interzisa pescuitului, o informa el.

Dar, d-le, eu nu pescuiesc. Nu vedeti asta?

Da, dar aveti echipamentul necesar. Sunt nevoit sa va duc la sectie si sa va amendez.

Daca faceti asta, va voi acuza de viol, spuse femeia.

Dar, nici macar nu v-am atins, spuse gardianul.

Asta e adevarat, dar aveti „echipamentul” necesar.

MORALA: niciodata sa nu va certati cu o femeie care citeste!