Engleza

Traducere

A guy goes down for breakfast and it is quite obvious that his wife has the hump with him. He asks what is the matter. She replies, "Last night you were talking in your sleep and I want to know who Linda is?" Thinking quickly on his feet he tells her that Linda was 'Lucky Linda' and was actually a name of a horse that he bet on that day and won £40. She seemed quite happy with the explanation and he went off to work. When he got home that night, his wife had the hump with him again. asking her what the matter was now, she replied "Your horse phoned."

Un tip coboara la micul dejun si este evident ca nevasta-sa e pusa pe cearta. O intreaba care-i problema. Ea raspunde : Azi noapte ai vorbit in somn, si as vrea sa stiu cine este Linda.... Dupa un calcul rapid el ii spune ca Linda este de fapt „Linda Norocoasa”, si este numele unui cal de curse pe care a pariat si a castigat 40 de lire. Ea a parut chiar impacata cu explicatia data iar el a plecat la servici. Cand a ajuns acasa seara, nevasta-sa era din nou pusa pe cearta. Dupa ce a intrebat-o care ii este problema din nou , ea i-a raspuns: Ti-a telefonat calul!!

A man walks into a bar, late one night completely knackered and dripping with sweat and orders 5 whiskies.
"What's wrong with you?" The barman says.
"In my car I've got a nymphomaniac - you couldn't satisfy her if you were there 'til Christmas," he replies.
"We'll see about that," says the barman and goes out to the car park.
He has been in the car with the woman for a while when there is a knock on the window and a policeman shines his torch in. The barman jumps up and winds down the window to talk to the policeman.
"It's all right officer, I'm just shagging the wife," he says.
"Oh, I'm sorry sir, I didn't know it was your wife" replies the cop.
The barman replies -"Neither did I 'til you shone your torch!"

Un tip intra intr-un bar intr-o noapte baut si plin de sudaore si comanda 5 whiski-uri

Ce-i cu tine? Intreaba barmanul

Am in masina o nimfomana - nu ai putea sa o satisfaci nica daca ai fi fost acolo inca de la Craciun, spune el

Mai vedem noi ..spune barmanul si iesi afara in parcare

Dupa o vreme in care barmanul a stat cu femeia in masina, un politist batu in geam si cu lanterna lumina in masina. Barmanul se ridica, da geamul jos sa discute cu politistul.

E in regula d-le politist, ma prosteam putin cu nevasta-mea, raspunde

Oh, ma scuzati d-le, nu stiam ca este nevasta, raspunde politistul

Barmanul raspunde: Nici eu nu am stiut, asta pana cand am vazut-o la lumina lanternei!

A young man with a wild and multi-coloured hairstyle sits next to an old man on a park bench. The old man stares at the young man.
"What's the matter, old man?" says the young man. "Never done anything crazy in your life?"
The old man replies: "Yeah. When I was in the Navy, I got really drunk one night and had sex with a parrot. I thought you might be my son.

Un tanar cu un par salbatic si vopsit multicolor sta langa un batranel pe banca intr-un parc. Batranelul se holbeaza la tanar.

Care-i problema, batranelule? Spune tinerelul. Nu ai facut nimik nebunesc la viata ta?

Batranelul raspunde: Ba. Cand am fost in marina, m-am imbatat foarte tare si am facut sex cu un papagal. Am crezut ca esti fiul meu.

Little Johnny came home from school one day and went by his mom's room. The door was open, so he looked in and saw his mom lying on the bed naked moaning and touching herself saying, "Ooh, I need a man! I need a man!"
The next day, Little Johnny got home from school and saw his mom lying on the bed naked with a naked guy on top of her. So Little Johnny ran to his room, stripped down naked, and started to touch himself, while moaning, "Ooh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Micul Johnny s-a intors de la scoala intr-o zi si s-a dus la maica-sa in camera. Usa era deschisa, asa ca s-a uitat inauntru si a vazut-o pe maica-sa intinsa in pat, dezbracata, pipaindu-se pe tot corpul si printre gemete spunea: ohh! Am nevoie de un barbat! Am nevoie de un barbat!

A doua zi, micul Johnny a ajuns acasa de la scoala si a vazut-o pe maica-sa dezbracata, intinsa in pat, dar de data aceasta cu un barbat deasupra ei. Asa ca Micul Johnny, vazand asta, a fugit in camera sa, s-a desbracat la fundul hol, a inceput sa se atinga si printre gemete spunea : Ohh! Am nevoie de o bicicleta! Am nevoie de o bicicleta!

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, “Please be gentile, I’m still a virgin.” The husband being shocked, replied, “How’s this possible? You’ve been married three times before.” The wife responds, “Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was…oh, do I miss him!”

Un cuplu proaspat casatorit pleaca in luna de miere si in prima noapte, inainte de a face dragoste pasionala nevasta ii spune sotului: Te rog fi bland cu mine,  inca sunt virgina. Sotul socat ii aspunde: Cum e posibil? AI mai fost maritata de 3 ori pana acum. Sotia ii raspunde: Pai, primul meu sot a fost ginecolog, si tot ce dorea sa faca era sa opriveasca. Al doilea sot a fost psihiatru, si tot ce a dorit a fost sa vorbeasca despre ea. In sfarsit, al treilea sot a fost colectionar de timbre, si tot ce dorea sa faca a fost..........Oh.....Ce dor imi este de el!!!

One day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, “My boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentines Day this year, so I guess I’ll have to put my legs in the air for him.” To which her friend replied, “Why? Don’t you have a vase?”

Intr-o zi o prietena ii spune celeilalte : Prietenul meu mi-a luat flori de Sf Valentin anul acesta, asa ca banuiesc ca trebuie sa imi departez picioarele in aer pt el. La care prietena ii raspunde : De ce” Nu ai nicio vaza??

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman,
"I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
"It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.".
"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".
"But that's impossible!" says the priest.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says,
"What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies,
"I am your mother. The archbishop is your father."

O femeie incepe o relatie cu un doctor. Nu dupa multa vreme ramane insarcinata si nu stiu amandoi ce sa faca. Dupa vreo 9 luni, chiar cand trebuie sa nasca, un preot se interneaza in spital cu o infectie la prostata. Doctorul ii spune femeii: Stiu ce vom face! Dupa operatie, ii spun preotului ca printr-o minune l-a adus pe lume pe acest copil.

Crezi ca va functiona? Intreba ea?

Merita incercat, spuse el. Astfel ca doctorul asista la nasterea copilului si apoi il opereaza pe preot. Dupa operatie se duce la preot si ii spune : Parinte, nu iti va veni sa crezi ce s-a intamplat.

Ce? Intreaba preotul..ce s-a intamplat?

Ai nascut un copil!

Dar asta e imposibil! Spuse preotul

Tocmai ce am terminat operatia, insista doctorul:Este un miracol! Poftim copilul!....

Trec 15 ani de la acest eveniment si preotul realizeaza ca trebuie sa-i spuna copilului adevarul. Intr-o zi il pune pe baiat sa ia un loc si spuse: Baiete, am ceva sa-ti spun. Nu sunt tatal tau.

Baiatul spunce: Ce vrei sa zici ca nu esti tatal meu?

Preotul raspunde: Eu sunt mama ta! Arhiepiscoul esta tatal tau!

A man comes home from a night of drinking. As he stumbles through the front door, his wife snaps at him, “What’s the big idea coming home half drunk?” The man replies, “I’m sorry honey. I ran out of money.”

Un barbat vine acasa dupa o noapte de betie. In timp ce se impiedica la usa de la intrare, nevasta-sa  se rasteste la el: Cum vii asa acasa pe jumatate baut?

Sotul raspunde: Imi pare rau iubito. Am ramas fara bani