Glume, poante, bancuri clasice in engleza (traduse) | Classic Jokes
    
 
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Glume clasice

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Majoritatea acestor articole sunt preluate din sectiunea de gramatica engleza. Speram ca articolele sa fie pe intelesul dumneavoastra.

Engleza

Traducere

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

 

Un barbat intra la un bufet unde se serveste hamburgeri si comanda o mancare obisnuita. Mai tarziu, chelnerul ii aduce mancarea. Barbatul ia o inghititura si remarca un fir de par in hamburger. Incepe sa tipe la chelner: Chelner, este un fir par la mine in hamburger! Vreau sa aflu ce se intampla! Asa ca chelnerul il duce in spate unde se afla bucatarul, si spre uimirea lui, il vede pe bucatarul care turtea si indrepta o bucata de carne sub brat. Barbatul spune: Este dezgustator! La care chelnerul spune: Crezi ca asta e dezgustator? Asteapta sa vezi cum face gogosi!

 

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in.So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!"

 

Erau odata trei barbati. Mergeau de trei zile si erau deja foarte obositi. Au gasit un hotel, au inchiriat o camera si au mers la culcare. Apoi, un barbat batran apare de nicaieri, care le spune ca este o piscina magica chiar in fata camerei lor si le spune: Ok, trebuie sa sariti din barca si sa strigati locul unde ati dori sa aterizati. Asa ca cei trei barbati merg la piscina. Primul barbat, un vegetarian striga „Banane” si aterizeaza intr-o piscina plina cu banane. Al doilea barbat, care era avid de bani, striga „Bani” si cade intr-un munte de bani. Cel de-al treilea barbat sare, cand o pasare se c*** pe capul sau, si striga „Rahat !”

 

A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast. The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me." so the woman replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113."

 

O femeie se afla in liftul full de oameni al cladirii unde locuia. Cand un barbat intra in lift, ii atinge din greseala cu cotul un san. Barbatul spune: Imi pare rau! Dar daca inima ta este asa de moale ca si sanul, ma vei ierta cu siguranta! Asa ca femeia ii raspunde: Daca scula ta e asa de tare ca si cotul, eu locuiesc in camera 113.

 

A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell "All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving". The mother went in and told her son, "we don't use that kind of language in this house." Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don't want to hear any bad language.
Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today".
"For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay , please see the bitch in the kitchen."

 

Cateva zile dupa Craciun, o mama lucra in bucatarie in timp ce il asculta pe baiatul sau jucandu-se cu noul sau trenulet electric, in living. A auzit trenul oprindu-se si pe fiul sau strigand: Toti nenorocitii care vor sa se dea jos, dati-va jos dracului, pt ca aceasta este ultima statie. Toti nenorocitii care vor sa urce, urcati-va cururile in tren, pt ca plecam. Mama a mers in living si i-a spus fiului: noi nu folosim asemenea limbaj in casa noastra. Acum vreau sa te duci in camera ta pt 2 ore. Cand vii afara, te poti juca cu trenul, dar nu mai vreau sa aud un limbaj indecent. Peste doua ore, baiatul iese din camera lui si continua sa se joace cu trenul. Curand trenul opreste, si mama il aude pe baiat: Toti pasagerii care se dau jos din tren, sunt rugati sa isi ia tot ce le apartine cu ei. Va multumim ca ati calatorit cu noi, si speram ca a fost o calatorie placuta. Speram ca veti calatori cu noi din nou. Pentru cei care tocmai au urcat, ii rugam sa-si puna bagajele sub scaune, si sa nu uitati ca fumatul este permis doar la vagonul restaurant. Speram sa aveti o calatorie placuta si relaxanta astazi cu noi. Pentru aceia care sunt suparati din cauza celor doua ore de intarziere, va rog sa va adresati curvei din bucatarie.

 

A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.
She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"

 

Un cuplu de tineri se casatoreste si mirele ii cere miresei lui, daca poate sa aibe un sertar dn sifonier numai al lui, pe care ea sa nu-l deschida niciodata. Mireasa este de acord. Dupa 30 de ani de casnicie, ea observa ca  sertarul a fost lasat deschis. Arunca o privire inauntru si vede 3 mingi de golf si 1.000 de dolari. Isi confrutna sotul si cere explicatii. El explica. De fiecare data cand te-am inselat am pus o minge de golf in sertar. Ea calculeaza, de 3 ori in 30 de ani, nu e asa de mult, si intreaba: Dar ce este cu cei 1.000 de dolari? El raspunde: de fiecare data cand am strans o duzina de mingi de golf, le-am vandut!

 

One day a girl brings home her boyfriend and tells her father she wants to marry him. After talking to him for  while, he tells his daughter she can't do it because he's her half brother. The same problem happens again four more times! The girl starts to get pissed off. She goes to her mom and says, "Mom... What have you been doing all your life? Dad's been going around laying every maiden in the town and now I can't marry any of the five guys I like because they have turned out to be my half brothers!!!"Her mom replies, "Don't worry darling, you can marry any one of them you want, he isn't really your dad."

 

Intr-o zi , o tanara isi aduce acasa prietenul si ii spune tatalui ca vrea sa se marite cu el. Dupa ce discuta cu el pt o vreme, ii spune fetei ca nu poate, deoarece ii este frate vitreg. Aceeasi poveste se intampla inca de patru ori. Fata incepe sa se enerveze. Merge la maica-sa si ii spune: Mama...ce ai facut toata viata? tata a umblat in colo si incoace, cu fiecare fata din oras, si acum nu ma pot marita cu niciunul din cei cinci baieti care imi plac, deoarece s-au dovedit a-mi fi frati vitregi. La care maica-sa ii raspunde: Nu te stresa draga mea, te poti marita cu oricare dintre ei, el nu este tatal tau adevarat!

 

 

     Aceste glume (bancuri, poante = jokes) sunt alese din glumele care circula in limba engleza. Pentru o mai buna intelegere a limbii engleze  si o imbunatatire a vocabularului, Academia de Engleza va prezinta si traducerea lor. Aceste glume au fost alese la intamplare.

 

 

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