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Glume in / din bar in engleza

- Bar Jokes -

 

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Majoritatea acestor articole sunt preluate din sectiunea de gramatica engleza. Speram ca articolele sa fie pe intelesul dumneavoastra.

Engleza

Traducere

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
"Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."

 

Un barbat intra intr-un bar si il intreaba pe barman: Daca iti arat un truc foarte bun, imi dai o bautura gratis? Barmanul se gandeste putin si este de acord. Barbatul se cauta in buzunar si scoate un sobolan micut. Se cauta in celelalt bzunar si scoate un pian micut. Sobolanul se intinde, isi pocneste articulatiile si incepe sa cante un blues.

Dupa ce barbatul isi termina bautura, il intreaba pe barman : Daca iti arat un truc si mai tare, imi vei da de baut gratis toata seara? Barmanul este de acord, gandindu-se ca niciun truc nu poate fi mai tare ca si primul. . Barbatul se cauta in buzunar si scoate un sobolan micut. Se cauta in celelalt bzunar si scoate un pian micut. Sobolanul se intinde, isi pocneste articulatiile si incepe sa cante un blues.Barbatul cauta intr-un alt buzunar si scoate un broscoi, care incepe sa cante pe muzica cantata la pian de sobolan.

In timp ce barbatul isi savura bauturile, un strain il confrunta si ii ofera 100.000 de dolari pt broscoi. Imi pare rau, raspunde barbatul, nu este de vanzare. Strainul mareste oferta la 250.000 de dolari, banii jos. Nu, insista el, nu este de vanzare. Strainul mareste din nou oferta, de aceasta data la 500.000 de dolari, bani gheata. Barbatul este de acord in cele din urma, si ii da broscoiul strainului, in schimbul banilor.

Esti nebun? Intreaba barmanul. Acea broasca ar fi putut valora milioane, si tu o dai numai pt 500.000!! Nu te stresa, raspunde barbatul. Broasca nu are nimic special,....vezi tu......sobolanul este deasemenea ventriloc.

 

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"

 

Un barbat intr-un bar isi vede un prieten la o masa beand de unul singur. Apropiandu-se de el, ii spune: Arati oribil. Care-i problema?

Mama mea a murit in august, raspunde el, si mi-a lasat 25.000 de dolari. Vai....asta e trist!!

Apoi in septembrie, continua el, mi-a murit tatal lasandu-mi 90.000 de dolari.

Wow, doi parinti pierduti in numai doua luni. Nu e de mirare ca esti deprimat.

Si luna trecuta, continua el, matusa mea a murit si mi-a lasat 15.000 de dolari.

Trei membri apropiati din familie pierduti in trei luni. ?..ce trist

Apoi, ..luna asta,.... continua el....absolut nimic!!!

 

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

 

Un barbat baut bine intra intr-un bar, si dupa ce s-a holbat un timp la singura femeie din bar, a mers la ea si a sarutat-o. Ea a sarit in sus si i-a dat o palma. El imediat s-a scuzat si a explicat: Imi pare rau. Am crezut ca sunteti sotia mea. Aratati exact ca si ea.

Sunteti un betivan nenorocit, fara valoare, insuportabil, bun de nimic!

Nostim , sopti el, chiar si la vorbe semanati cu sotia mea!!

 

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.
"I can't take your money," said the first guy. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news." "No, no. Take it," said the second guy. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

 

Doi barbati erau intr-un bar, si se uitau la televizor, unde se difuza o stire despre un barbat care voia sa se sinucida, aruncandu-se de pe un pod. : Pariez pe 10dolari ca va sari, a spus primul barbat. Pariez pe 10 dolari ca nu va sari, spuse al doilea. Sinucigasul inchise ochii si se arunca. Cel de-al doilea tip ii da banii pierduti primului barbat. Nu pot sa-ti iau banii, spuse primul. Am trisat. Aceasi stire cu sinucigasul a fost data si la stirile de la ora 5. Nu, nu, i-ai, spuse cel de-al doilea. Si eu am vazut stirile de la ora 5. Dar nu m-am gandit ca tipul este asa de prost, incat sa sara si a doua oara!

 

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

 

Un director de circ intra intr-un bar si vede o multime adunata la o masa, urmarind un spectacol. Pe masa era o oala cu fundul in jos pe care dansa o rata. Directorul de circ a fost asa de impresionat, incat s-a oferit sa cumpere rata de la proprietar. Dupa cateva invarteli si negocieri, s-au inteles la 10.000 dolari pt rata si oala. Peste trei zile directorul de circ, fuge la bar foarte nervos. Toata sarada cu rata dumitale este o jecmaneala. Am pus-o pe oala in fata unei intregi audiente si nu a facut nici macar un pas, daramite sa danseze! Asa deci? Spuse proprietarul initial al ratei...Ti-ai amintit sa aprinzi si o lumnare sub oala??

 

A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy and the bartender. The man walks up to the counter, and says to the bartender, "I bet you $1,000 that I can spray beer from my mouth into a shot glass from thirty feet away, and not get any outside the glass."
The bartender thinks that this guy is a nutcase, but he wants his $1,000, so he agrees. The bartender gets out a shot glass, paces off thirty feet, and the contest begins. The man sprays beer all over the bar. He doesn't even touch the shot glass. When he finishes, the bartender looks at him and says, "Well, I guess you owe me $1,000, huh?"
The man answers, "Yeah, but I bet all of those people outside the window $500 a piece that I could come in here and spray beer all over the bar."

 

Un barbat intra intr-un bar si pana ajunge la tejghea, se opreste si vorbeste cu toata lumea in bar. Pe parcurs ce termina de vorbit cu fiecare grup de oamnei, acestia se ridicau, plecau si stateau afara la fereastra si se uitau inauntru. Intr-un final barul este gol, cu exceptia acestui barbat si a barmanului. Barbatul merge la tejghea si ii spune barmanului: Pun pariu cu tine pe 1.000 de dolari ca pot sa scuip bere intr-un paharel mic de la 9.14 metri distanta, si sa nu dau afara niciun strop. Barmanul se gandeste ca tipul este putin dus, dar are nevoie de 1.000 de dolari, asa ca este de acord. Barmanul scoate un paharel mic (pt shot-uri), numara 9.14 metri si concursul incepe. Barbatul scuipa bere peste tot barul. Nici macar nu atinge paharelul. Cand concursul se incheie, barmanul il priveste si spune: Asadar, cred ca imi datorezi 1.000 de dolari, nu? Barbatul ii raspunde: Da, dar eu am pariat 500 de dolari cu fiecare de afara, care sta la fereastra, ca vin in barul tau si imprasii bere peste tot ...

 

 

     Aceste glume (bancuri, poante = jokes) sunt alese din glumele care circula in limba engleza. Pentru o mai buna intelegere a limbii engleze  si o imbunatatire a vocabularului, Academia de Engleza va prezinta si traducerea lor. Aceste glume au fost alese la intamplare.

 

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