Insulte - glume | Insults Jokes
    
 
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Insulte - glume

- Insults Jokes -

 

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Majoritatea acestor articole sunt preluate din sectiunea de gramatica engleza. Speram ca articolele sa fie pe intelesul dumneavoastra.

Engleza

Traducere

Once there was a man named BB. He had a very fat wife and for his 40th b-day she went and got a B tattooed on each butt cheek. She went home and showed BB and he asked who BoB was ?!

A fost odata un barbat pe nume BB. El avea o sotie foarte grasa, si pt aniversarea lui de 40 de ani, ea si-a tatuat cate un B pe fiecare fesa. Merse acasa si ii arata lui BB tatuajul, la care el o intreba cine este BoB ?!?!?

 

Your family is so poor, when they went to the park the pigeons threw bread at them.

 

Familia ta este asa de saraca, incat atunci cand mergeti in parc, porumbeii arunca cu paine in ea.

 

If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.

Daca ai ramas orfan de mic, imi pare rau pt tine, dar nu si pt. parintii tai.

 

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

Daca ar fi sa omoram pe fiecare care te uraste, nu s-ar numi crima, ci genocid!

 

 A little kid walks into a  bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ”If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I’d be a little bull.” The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ”If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.” The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ”What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!” The kid
smiles and says, ”I would be a bus driver!”

Un baietel urca intr-un autobuz si se aseaza exact in spatele soferului si incepe sa urle: Daca tata ar fi fost un taur si mama vaca, eu as fi fost un tauras. Soferul incepe sa se enerveze pe baiatul zgomotos, care continua: Daca tata ar fi fost elefant si mama un elefant femeie, eu as fi fost un elefantel. Copilul continua asa cu cateva animale, pana cand soferul se enerveza si tipa la el: Ce zici daca tatal tau ar fi fost un betiv si mama o prostituata? Copilul zambeste si raspunde: As fi fost sofer de autobuz!!

 

 What’s the position to make ugly babies? Ask your parents.

Care este pozitia pt a face copii urati? Imtreaba-ti parintii.

 

A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the autopilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, “I don’t like the Chinese.”

 

“You don’t like the Chinese?” asks the copilot, “why not?” “You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that’s why!” “No, no,” the copilot protests, “the Chinese didn’t bomb Pearl Harbor! That was the Japanese.” “Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese doesn’t matter, you’re all alike!” There are a few minutes of silence. “I don’t like Jews!!” the co-pilot suddenly announces.

 

“Why not?” asks the captain? “The Jews sank the Titanic.” “Jews didn’t sink the Titanic!” exclaims the captain, “it was an iceberg!” “Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, no matter…they’re all same!”

 

Un avion decoleaza din Los Angeles avand ca pilot un evreu. Co-pilotul este chinez. Este prima oara cand zboara impreuna si o liniste penibila care se instalase intre cei doi, parea sa indice o neplacere reciproca. Odata ce au atins altitudinea potrivita, capitanul evreu activeaza pilotul automat, se lasa pe spate pe scaunul sau si bombane: Nu-mi plac chinezii.

 

Nu-ti plac chinezii? Intreaba co-pilotul? De ce? Voi oamenilor ati bombardat Pearl Harbor, de aia! Nu, nu protesteaza co-pilotul. Nu chinezii au bombardat Pearl Harbor, ci japonezii. Japonezi, chinezi, vietnamezi...nu conteaza....sunteti toti la fel!! Urmeaza cateva minute de liniste. Nu-mi plac evreii! Anunta rapid co-pilotul.

 

De ce nu? Intreaba capitanul. Evreii au scufundat Titanicul. Nu evreii au scufundat Titanicul, exclama capitanul, a fost un iceberg! Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, nu conteaza.....toate sunt la fel...!

 

I’m gonna tell you a joke that’ll make your tits fall off. Oops, my bad – someone already told you.

 

 

Am sa-ti spun un banc care o sa te faca sa-ti cada sanii. Oops, geseala mea...- cineva deja ti l-a spus.

 

Scene: Suburban home, living room. Post-quarrel.

Wife: You know, I was a fool when I married.
Husband: Yes, dear. But I was in love and didn’t notice. 

 

Scena: casa in suburbii, sufragerie, post cearta

Sotia: Stii, am fost o proasta cand m-am casatorit.

Sotul: Da, draga. Dar eu am, fost indragostit si nu mi-am dat seama

 

Why don’t women need driver’s licenses?
Because there are no roads between the laundry room and the kitchen! 

 

De ce nu au femeile nevoie de permis de conducere?

Pentru ca nu sunt sosele intre masina de spalat si bucatarie.

 

A fat woman and a skinny woman were sitting together at a restaurant. “Men prefer thin women,” said the skinny woman. “Really? Did your boyfriend tell you that?” said the fat one. “No, your boyfriend told me that!”

 

O femeie grasa si una slaba stateau impreuna intr-un restaurant. Barbatii prefere femeile subtiri,  spuse femeia slaba. Da? Prietenul tau ti-a spus asta? Spuse cea grasa. Nu, prietenul tau mi-a spus-o!

 

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, ”Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?” Then the lady answered, ”Excuse me, I think this is a goose.” And the bartender says, ”Excuse me, I was talking to the goose.”

O tipa intra intr-un bar cu o gasca. Barmanul merge la ea si spune: De ce a trebuit sa aduci porcul cu tine? Apoi tipa ii raspunde: Scuzati-ma, cred ca este o gasca. La care barmanul ii spune: Ma scuzati, vorbeam cu gasca.

 

I haven’t spoken to my wife in nearly 18 months — I don’t want to interrupt her!

Nu am vorbit cu sotia mea de aproape 18 luni- nu vreau sa o intrerup!

 

Men are like toilets — either they’re taken, or full of crap!

Barbatii sunt ca si toaletele- ori sunt ocupati,ori sunt plini de cacat!

Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.

Inainte sa apari tu nu era foame. Acum suntem satui!

 

You are pretty as a picture and we'd love to hang you.

Esti frumoasa ca un tablou, si ne-a face placere sa te atarnam.

 

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

Am auzit ca ti-ai facut un transplant de creier si ca acesta te-a respins!

 

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.

Continua sa vorbesti , intr-o zi o sa spui ceva inteligent!
 

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

M-am gandit la tine toata ziua. Am fost la gradina zoologica!
 

I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

Nu am sa uit niciodata prima data cand ne-am intalnit- desi incerc incontinuu.
 

 

     Aceste glume (bancuri, poante = jokes) sunt alese din glumele care circula in limba engleza. Pentru o mai buna intelegere a limbii engleze si o imbunatatire a vocabularului, Academia de Engleza va prezinta si traducerea lor. Aceste glume au fost alese la intamplare.

 

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